I pulled him into my lap, leaned way back in the chair, and laid him on his belly right on top of me. He props his head in his hands. His face is just inches from mine. I feel his baby soft skin. But he's not a baby. His legs dangle off my lap. He his heavy against me.
"Sing momma" he says with anticipation. "What would you like me to sing? I'll sing you anything."
"Had a farm. Old Donald had a farm."
I smile. He says farm with 3 syllables bc his southern accent is so thick. I start singing and he excitedly shouts out animals.
In this moment he is mine. Neither of us are distracted. We are in the moment. He is so intoxicating. My heart overflows and I can't stop it. How did I ever live without him?
He seems so big! Not the kind of big you'd expect. Like really really big. His face has changed. He is taller. Heavier. I noticed earlier when I picked him up it seemed he doubled his weight over night.
When did you get this heavy?
12 months ago when he would run into our room in the morning his eyes were barely high enough to see over the mattress. Tonight I noticed you can see not only his whole face but his chest too.
When did you get this tall?
He talks in whole sentences. Makes demands. Has opinions. He counted to 20 the other night in the tub.
When did you get this smart?
This past week I keep starting at him, trying to soak it all up. Partly in disbelief. He is a little boy. My baby is gone. My heart keeps trying to deny it but brain knows what it sees right before me.
My suspicions were confirmed and that I wasn't going crazy when I measured him tonight. He HAS gotten big and isn't showing signs if slowing. And I can't help but be completely heartbroken.
Another day gone. He'll never be this little, this small again. Tomorrow he will be bigger, faster, smarter. I'll blink and he will be asking to borrow the car.
Oh sure, we all want our kids to grow up into healthy successful adults. I do too. But he'll never be mine like the way he was tonight.
I can't stop it. All I can do is try to remember each day as much as possible. Try to savor every moment, every slobbery kiss, every tantrum, every laugh, every cry, because tomorrow will just be another day gone.
Jan 1, march 16, and June 1.
36 inches tall