Saturday, December 28, 2013

Cheers to a new year!

So I havnt blogged in awhile. It's not because I'm busy or unmotivated. It's mostly because every time I read the blogs I like to follow, I start feeling really depressed about my life.  

Take Jessica Garvin for example. You can check her out at http://littlebabygarvin.blogspot.com  
She's got her shit together. Her house looks like a magazine spread, her gorgeous daughter looks like a living breathing Baby Gap advertisement, she has this amazing job where she works from home, she bakes, she crafts, she can throw a birthday party that would make all other parties look like a joke, Hell, she even has an Etsy shop so you can pay her to make all these beautiful things for you. And to top it all off she's skinny and beautiful. 

What the eff. 

She has perfectly edited Instagram pics of her entirely perfect weekend. Sipping mimosas in the hammock in the huge back yard, a family trip to home depo, spending the afternoon redoing the half bath, snuggling in bed watching a movie.

Can one person really have it all? 

Where are her blog posts about listening to her child scream for the entire ride home from work? Or having to spank her child every single day because her child runs through the parking lot and refuses to get in the car? Or how bout when she has to cook dinner and entertain her child at the same time because her husband works nights? Or not being able to pee, change clothes, take a shower, or do anything because her child wants to join right in? Please tell me her child still sleeps in their bed. Please tell me her husband works nights and is still a full time student. Where is the post about the shit storm that is every day life?

And the worst part is I don't even know this girl. Honest. I just stumbled upon her perfectly charming blog by accident via Pinterest And I've been stalking/ living vicariously through her blog for almost 2 years now. I know. I'm so embarrassed to even admit that.

Even more embarrassing than that was when I dreamed the 2 of us were best friends. And our kids were best friends. An we lived this perfect little life where we would hang out together and shop and make chalkboards together. And I secretly hated her. When I woke up that's when I knew I had a problem. I had let someone, who is borderline fictitious, become this idol of perfection and everything I wanted but didn't have. 

It was so bad that I just had to make myself stop reading her blog, and other blogs like hers. It was robbing me of all my happiness. Well, I guess I should say I was robbing myself. Jessica and her blog were the innocent bystanders in this scenario. 

I had spent so much time and energy comparing my life to a complete strangers and focusing on what I didn't have that I missed so much joy and happiness right in front of me. I have no one to blame but myself. 

We've never had that perfect weekend lounging in the hammock, and I've come to terms with the fact that we probably never will. At least in the forseeable future.

 And it would be terrible of me to think I haven't had a wonderful life because of someone else's blog. What a waste to think that I didn't already have it all. Everything I've always wanted. 

I have so much to be happy about. For starters I have a good man who loves me. He is faithful and loyal to me. Our relationship is built on complete faith and trust. He supports me in all my decisions. He endlessly tries to make me happy, and I all to often refuse to let him. I am completely undeserving of his love.  

I have a perfectly healthy and handsome little boy who adores me. He is so smart and funny. He is my everything and I'm pretty sure he is the only thing that keeps me going most days. 

I have a job where I get to use my gifts and talents. I have a job that provides for my family. I get to invest in our futures by investing in changing a childs life. Who else can go to work and say they are changing the world one day at a time? I may not make as much as I would like to have the life I dream of, but I make just enough to have what my family needs. 

I have an endless support system of parents, in laws, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and the best brother anyone could ask for.  

Sometimes I get overwhelmed with the stage of life I'm in. Who doesn't? I bet even good ole Jessica has her moments, she just doesn't blog about it.  

So I've bought a little journal to record these little moments of perfection and happiness so that when it feels like my life is in a blender I can remember every single little reason to be perfectly happy. 

So cheers to a new year! My goal for 2014 is to be happy. It really is that simple. I need to learn to focus on what I already have, which is all ill ever need.

And cheers to Jessica! I don't know you, but I know your awesome! And if by chance you read this, I promise I didn't escape a mental hospital.